nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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