I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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