ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
