Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
