I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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