Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
