someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
