i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
