ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
