bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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