Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Can I color on your dick again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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