I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
