I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
