Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.

Fav 51 5140 823
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(519): View more from Ontario

turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?

(940): View more from Texas

homeless.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.

(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Too many margaritas?

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(417): View more from Missouri

I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.

(417): View more from Missouri

I can't feel my brain.

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(714): View more from California

I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.

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(894): View more from

I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..

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