Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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