We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
