she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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