I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
