Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
