So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
