No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
