so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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