Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
