3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
