She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize