I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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