If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
