me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
