Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize