Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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