I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
