NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize