I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
