And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The power of my boobs compel you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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