We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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