He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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