I'm going to jail i love you
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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