U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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