I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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