just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
