its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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