a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
