Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize