Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
