I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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