this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
