My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
