If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
