guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
