Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
