Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
