Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
