Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize