Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
