i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So many bounce houses so little time
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
