my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
