Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
