No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
