No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Randomize
