If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
