what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
