Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
