Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
