Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
