I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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