dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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