After last night, I could never be a politician.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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