You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Randomize
